Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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