yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my poor anus
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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