He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
