OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
