During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had sex on a dog bed..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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