He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
