You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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