he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
