Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
