I bet he comes in French.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
