I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
