Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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