Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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