You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
