He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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