Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
