Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
