Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
