Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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