I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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