Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
