a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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