3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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