I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
found the other keg... it's in the tree
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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