just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
