the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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