She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
