OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
