first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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