some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
