True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Randomize
