im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
