Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
