I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
