There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
