Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
