I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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