You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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