guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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