Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
