Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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