My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
