Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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