i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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