he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
