Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
