Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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