wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
