Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
