i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
