She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
